the-unwritten-vista
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
19 August 2009.
Current Mood: Up and Down.
Started off the day with late report at school(an hour later than the usual time), thus I am more awake today(: Chinese, then maths, and physics(test), recess, (let's not talk about her lesson). I was top in class for English, now with her, I think my English can fail. No doubt with my Geography too. I almost forgot, DMB is recruting Colourguards. I was at the booth with Jia Ying during recess, I was asking random people to join. Like Brandon(revenge for cutting my queue!) and Shin Rong(for refusing to tell me his iTouch password). In the end, Kumar went to put down my name, mind you full name-.- So have to tell Mr Loh it was a mistake. I know many people think I am a DMB member, even a colourguard. But I can say here I am not a member of Deyi Band and I am not interested in being one either(:
Did the Maths and Science Quiz after school today. Mr Soon setted the paper(I think). Nice paper, I don't know how to do a single question. Questions asked were nothing we have ever seen before. Who discovered the circulation of blood, what is Fleming's Left Hand Rule in Electromagnetism used to determine. These are more like questions for Univesity students.
Had A maths lesson after school that, with Si Min and Haikal. Covered the whole topic of Binomial Theorem, totally energy draining. Tedious work indeed. Thanks Mr Loh for his patience(: And also Mr Hiew for lending me his A Maths textbook, when I hardly know him at all(: Walked to MRT station with Si Min after lesson. Talked about many things, mostly Kim Hyun Joong. Her phone is filled with thousands of his photo, can see until blind. But her selfish phone have no Bluetooth, nevermind, Kim Hyun Joong is in my heart already(: Si Min said she will wear her spectacles to school tomorrow, the Emporio Armani one. To match with my husband(Kim Hyun Joong). Yes, you never see wrongly, he is MY husband(:
Got back my mathematics common test result today, not really bad. But I don't know why, I don't feel happy about it. It's not like I cheated or anything, I did it solely with my own ability. Queer it seems, I don't know why, I don't feel happy at all. I know this isn't right, if it was the old Vanessa, I would be screaming in tears of joy. I would be asking presents and rewards from my tutor, mother, father and family. But today, I don't have the feel to ask for rewards at all. When I told my parents my results, they just said:'Okay, Keep it up'. Their words broke my fragile heart, I kind of expected something like this. It's just, I don't understand them. I feel like my parents don't understand me, not at all. I don't know exactly how to describe it. It's just, I know they do not love me. Not at all. I know I might not be their perfect good daughter, but what are they to me? Did they reflect how they treated me?!! I know, they generously buy me cameras, games, phones. But so? They never showered me with love, not even for a second. They really hated me, for why, I don't know. I hate this family, I hate my life, I hate myself. No, I am not the problem. Shut up, for you know nothing and don't get to see what I see at all. Yes, I cried, but not for my parents. It's just, I cried because I don't understand why is my life like this.
Current Mood: Up and Down.
Started off the day with late report at school(an hour later than the usual time), thus I am more awake today(: Chinese, then maths, and physics(test), recess, (let's not talk about her lesson). I was top in class for English, now with her, I think my English can fail. No doubt with my Geography too. I almost forgot, DMB is recruting Colourguards. I was at the booth with Jia Ying during recess, I was asking random people to join. Like Brandon(revenge for cutting my queue!) and Shin Rong(for refusing to tell me his iTouch password). In the end, Kumar went to put down my name, mind you full name-.- So have to tell Mr Loh it was a mistake. I know many people think I am a DMB member, even a colourguard. But I can say here I am not a member of Deyi Band and I am not interested in being one either(:
Did the Maths and Science Quiz after school today. Mr Soon setted the paper(I think). Nice paper, I don't know how to do a single question. Questions asked were nothing we have ever seen before. Who discovered the circulation of blood, what is Fleming's Left Hand Rule in Electromagnetism used to determine. These are more like questions for Univesity students.
Had A maths lesson after school that, with Si Min and Haikal. Covered the whole topic of Binomial Theorem, totally energy draining. Tedious work indeed. Thanks Mr Loh for his patience(: And also Mr Hiew for lending me his A Maths textbook, when I hardly know him at all(: Walked to MRT station with Si Min after lesson. Talked about many things, mostly Kim Hyun Joong. Her phone is filled with thousands of his photo, can see until blind. But her selfish phone have no Bluetooth, nevermind, Kim Hyun Joong is in my heart already(: Si Min said she will wear her spectacles to school tomorrow, the Emporio Armani one. To match with my husband(Kim Hyun Joong). Yes, you never see wrongly, he is MY husband(:
Got back my mathematics common test result today, not really bad. But I don't know why, I don't feel happy about it. It's not like I cheated or anything, I did it solely with my own ability. Queer it seems, I don't know why, I don't feel happy at all. I know this isn't right, if it was the old Vanessa, I would be screaming in tears of joy. I would be asking presents and rewards from my tutor, mother, father and family. But today, I don't have the feel to ask for rewards at all. When I told my parents my results, they just said:'Okay, Keep it up'. Their words broke my fragile heart, I kind of expected something like this. It's just, I don't understand them. I feel like my parents don't understand me, not at all. I don't know exactly how to describe it. It's just, I know they do not love me. Not at all. I know I might not be their perfect good daughter, but what are they to me? Did they reflect how they treated me?!! I know, they generously buy me cameras, games, phones. But so? They never showered me with love, not even for a second. They really hated me, for why, I don't know. I hate this family, I hate my life, I hate myself. No, I am not the problem. Shut up, for you know nothing and don't get to see what I see at all. Yes, I cried, but not for my parents. It's just, I cried because I don't understand why is my life like this.
I feel like pointing a gun at your heart and fire away, to let you feel how painful my heart feels now.
posted by vanessa loves you # 11:47 PM 
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